How fear became my guru

​What if you were asked...

How does fear SHOW UP for you?
How do you DO fear?
What's your EXPERIENCE of fear?
How does fear FEEL in your body?

I was recently asked these questions and I initially found it challenging to journal on this. When I’m given a prompt and it doesn’t unlock anything, I throw out different questions to see what unlocks a deeper truth within me. Asking better quality questions can provide powerful insights!

What do I currently fear around my business?

Gulp! I am anxious that I won’t “make it” in circles and I won’t earn enough money in my business without needing other sources of income. I am concerned about whether I’m providing value and whether I’m worthy of charging what I wish to charge.

What lesson does fear have for me?

Lesson 1: Responsibility

I need to take responsibility for my business and my RESULTS. I'm holding back - I'm just dipping my toe in, instead of diving into the deep end. I’ve been overwhelmed by and not fully accepting the massive gap between what I desire to create and where I am now.

Lesson 2: Plan & Focused Action

I need to put a plan in place and take aligned action. I’ve been caught up in toxic productivity and the doing, doing, doing. There’s a part of me that wants to skip the planning, because it feels like a waste of time. I seem to value any action I’ve DONE (whether aligned or not) and not what I’ve PLANNED.

What I need to remember is: my plan creates the pathway towards my vision and all I need to DO is take the steps along that pathway.

Lesson 3: Healthier Relationship with Failure

I love space documentaries – SpaceX working to create reusable rockets and, more recently, the James Webb Space Telescope sent out in space to take pictures of the first galaxies using infrared radiation.
​
There are brilliant minds at work to solve these big problems – yet they never succeed first time round. So, why am I expecting myself to?

The James Webb Space Telescope had 344 single-point failures before launch (a single-point failure means if one thing fails, the whole mission is a bust).

And I’m reflecting:

Have I gotten to the stage of having 344 single-point failures in my business, so I can learn from those failures, those mistakes, and improve?

Um, that’s a big fat NO!
​
So, what is stopping me from having a healthier relationship with fear and failure?

Block 1: Expecting Perfection & Absolute Clarity

I need to “get it right” the first time to avoid looking bad and stupid if I fail. This perfectionist tendency is showing up in two ways.

One, I want to see the whole staircase before I even take the first step.

Two, I want to perfect the process before I start the process.

I don’t like sitting in the discomfort of uncertainty, so I have become a course whore (yep, I said it). I’m chasing all this information so I can perfect my process. I’ve become great at learning stuff but not great at implementing stuff.

My lesson is that… the only way I can perfect the process is by doing the process, then improving it along the way.
And who am I kidding? The process is never going to be “perfect” anyways. What are the chances that I'll get a text from the universe saying, “Your perfect process is complete! Please start your perfect plan and your success is guaranteed. Love, Universe.”

Block 2: Not Feeling the Fear

I've been putting so much energy in resisting feeling the fear that I'm exhausted!
I know that I need to hold space for my fear and allow myself to feel it, but I personally have struggled with this.
When somebody else holds the space for my fear, I give myself permission to feel it. I get a few shivers and the fear energy has passed through my body in less than 30 seconds (even though I may have been resisting the fear for days/weeks/months).

In the end, I feel lighter because the energy I’ve been using to resist the fear has been released.

I asked myself: How do I feel the fear for myself? What else is a block?

My nudge was to re-read the book “Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway” by Susan Jeffers.

Then: Write out what it is you fear. Why do you fear it? How does it feel in your body? What am I worried will happen?

I asked again: What else is a block?

Response: Have you practised feeling the fear by doing things that stretch your comfort zone?

Then, I asked myself: What does fear feel like? How does it show up for me?

I finally got clear that my fear behaviours are self sabotage, busyness, overscheduling beyond my capacity and the perfectionist tendences mentioned above. In my body, I get a tight chest and tension in my jaw, neck and shoulders. I feel weighed down by a yoke.

I realised overscheduling beyond my capacity is linked with my fear of not being enough. I feel I need to DO more to feel ENOUGH. I’m overwhelmed, always busy, not allowing myself to slow down or focus on one thing at a time, and not stopping to pause, breathe and absorb my current experience.

My final insight:
I haven’t been allowing myself to pause, to be fully present and to absorb the richness of my present moment... YEAH (sigh of realisation), because there’s a lot of JUICE in the present moment.

What did you resonate with as I shared my journey with fear? 

Your Turn...

Find a quiet spot. Grab your notebook and pen. Take a few deep breaths to arrive into the present moment. Journal on these prompts.

1. Pick an area of your life and IDENTIFY your fears.
2. How is that fear SHOWING UP in your behaviour?
3. How are you experiencing that fear in your body as a feeling or
4. sensation?
5. How are you RESISTING sitting with and feeling this fear?
6. What LESSON does that fear have for you?
7. What is BLOCKING you from implementing these lessons?
8. What ACTIONS will you take moving forward?

What insights did you get from this journalling process?

I would love to hear about your insights, so feel free to comment below or postin my Wild & Wise Circle Community private Facebook group here. 

NEXT...

• Join my mailing list to receive blog updates, circle tasters, weekly wisdoms and upcoming event notifications here. 
• Try a free circle taster here.
• Experience a live circle with me here.

Sending you love, light and abundance,
Olga
xx

---